Day 16: Not until you learn to love yourself

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Just because India didn’t happen, doesn’t mean that some kind of getaway can’t.  So here I am in Key West for eight days of sun, fun, and relaxation.  It’s close enough that I can easily get back home if something happens with my mom, but just far enough to feel like I’ve checked out.

I can’t explain the draw of Key West.  I mean, it’s not like I’m going to find a love interest here.  The island is packed with beautiful gay men…or couples…or destination weddings.  What I do find, though, is a stirring in my soul.  A yearning to write…to express myself…to create.  It’s an island full of mystic and magic….and I can feel it.

Having started the day with a massage at Prana Spa (awesome by the way!), it only made sense that it would end with me wandering upon a psychic fair.  Prana is a term we use in yoga and it means “life force”.  And isn’t that kind of what psychics read – your life force??  From palm readers to numerologists to tarot readers to energy workers and more…all were gathered in one location.  Pick your poison…find a time, and pay your $25 – check. check. and check.

I picked Monica.  She specialized in tarot cards and palm reading.  We went with palm reading and she nailed it.  Said I’d be married twice – check.  Said I’m a natural leader, but prefer to be a part of a team – check and check.  I’m good at sales, really good at sales – yep.  My hands are strong, like a farm hand, but my skin is soft.  I’m a hard worker and few will work harder, but I take care of myself – yes, yes and yes.  I’m comfortable bending the rules – uh huh…and am a perfectionist – duh.  I’m civic-minded – 15 years+ of proof.  I’m creative and artistic…. I’m good with my hand….dexterous.  She saw water colors…a photo shoot…a set designer (because I’m great with details) – ok, I can go with that.  I’ll write – why, yes I will!  I’m good with money and will retire early – living proof!  I’m generous to a fault and need to learn to say no – I’ve heard that before.  I’d be a good spy because I’m always collecting data and no one knows it – oh, but do I know it!  I’m like a standoffish cat. I’ll watch you from afar and decide whether I want you in my life…but when I decide I do, look out because I’m all up in your face, and you’re in – Mmmmhmmmm.  And she went on….then she asked if there was something I wanted to know that she hadn’t covered.

What about love….Will I find it?  Her answer…”Not until you learn to love yourself.” Ouch!  I mean, thank you.  No matter how much I want to think this journey is about me finding a romantic relationship that will finally last…at some point I have to face the fact that it’s first and foremost about me learning to love myself…to accept myself for all the flaws and fabulousness…to be kind to myself and not so critical.  That not until I learn to do those things – and more – will I find the external love I’m looking for.

The challenge…if I’m honest…is that it’s so hard to love yourself when you are lonely.  It’s not impossible. And it might actually be what has to happen, but it’s hard.  I see people in love…or at least together…everywhere i look.  And I’m sitting alone.  With a glass of wine…a book…and my phone.  The wine isn’t talking….the book is just laying there…and my phone isn’t ringing.  But I have myself…all to myself.  And I guess if I step back and take an objective look, I’m kind of amazing.  I’m strong. Intelligent.  Funny.  Creative.  Spirited.  Kind.  And beautiful.  This isn’t about conceit. This is about my journey to self love…so I can find my true love.

Day 1 in Key West.  🙂

 

 

 

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This entry was posted in cancer, dreams, emotions, energies, future, love, marriage, relationships, retirement, self, self exploration and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Day 16: Not until you learn to love yourself

  1. Angi says:

    I like the ‘collecting data’ part 😀 we definitely have that in common.
    I’ve said it before and I’ll keep saying it … Your writing is just wonderful and I can foresee this turning into one heck of a book down the road. Thanks for touching my heart. ❤️

    Like

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