Last night I joined my neighbors for a lovely glass of wine (or three) in their garden prior to heading out for the evening. We talked about how tranquil our backyards are…nestled downtown amidst all the hustle and bustle…yet in the back, it’s nothing short of peaceful bliss. The conversation naturally turned toward my retirement, dating, and Mr. Universe.
They met him a couple of nights earlier and Mrs. Neighbor thought he was delightful (I’m sure all the muscles help with his “delightfulness”)…authentic…genuine. Don’t misunderstand, he is delightful and authentic and genuine, amongst other things, but I’m starting to spot that look in my lady friends’ eyes when they talk about him. I get it…I probably have the same look.
We started talking about Mr. Universe’s potential…not in the sense that I’m dating his potential, but in relation to the potential of where dating could lead. Apparently part of my journey is to throw “societal” expectations out the window and learn to follow my own sense of timing. And the more I talk to people about their relationships, I’m fascinated to learn how many people don’t subscribe to some standard of whatever acceptable timing is. Mr. and Mrs. Neighbor met in October many years ago and knew by December they were going to get married. I assumed they had a long courtship…and I have no idea why I assumed that other than it’s all I’ve known.
No one panic! I’m not talking about getting married but admittedly this relationship feels to be moving at a much faster clip than previous relationships. Maybe it’s because we’re both older and have a better sense of what we do and don’t want…I don’t know. At some level, the “why” doesn’t matter. All that matters is whether it feels right or not…right….?
Anyway, this led to me sharing with Mrs. Neighbor my recent experience with claircognizance (Day 64) and how I don’t question the knowing when it’s about someone else but totally do when it’s something to do with me. We talked about learning to trust the voice…again, I totally do when it’s telling me something about someone else. She said that’s natural. We’re programmed to run from thing to thing…always staying busy so we tune out and turn away from our inner voice because there’s too much going on around us.
She nailed it. That’s the problem. I’ve spent so much time living in an over stimulated environment that I haven’t been able to hear my own voice when it’s telling me things I need to listen to. We talked about how we knew past relationships were mistakes but proceeded anyway. Why? Because we didn’t take the time to listen to ourselves when the voice said to run…or at least proceed slowly to the nearest exit.
So now that I’m out of the rat race…living at my own pace…enjoying all the quiet time…I can’t help but hear the voice. And I’m sure it’s no surprise that she has a lot to say. It is after all, my voice. I’m hearing her say things I’m not accustomed to hearing. Things that feel out of character for me. At the same time, though, I recognize that I’m not the same person I was 5 years ago…12 months ago…67 days ago. Which begs the question, how can something be out of character at this point? Isn’t everything a little out of character now??
Mrs. Neighbor is the fifth person to give me this advice…listen to the voice because she knows what’s right…follow my heart and get out of my head…leave the wounds from past relationships behind but keep the lessons. All truly wonderful advice from a wise sage.
I have to remember that I instinctually knew when it was time to leave my job and that seems to have worked out. I’m happier than I ever imagined I’d be and can barely picture my old life. Probably should take the time to listen to that voice a little more…she really does seem to know what she’s talking about.