This morning I watched one of Mastin Kipp’s Daily Love videos. It was about rediscovering your feminine energies. I’ve read several pieces by him on this topic and took a 5 week online course with him last year covering the differences between masculine and feminine energies. Yes…I know I tend to exist more in the masculine energy…or at least I did…and I’ve been working hard to correct that. (Thank you very much.) Mastin acknowledges (as does Mr. Universe) that for a woman to be successful in the business world, she often has to tap heavily into her masculine energies during the day…and turning that off can be hard.
I think I’ve spent most of my life dialed into the masculine energy. I was the eldest child on both sides and it was no secret some were hoping I was going to be a boy. In fact, the doctor told my parents that I was going to be a boy…Kevin, actually. Then I popped out and soon everyone realized Kevin was actually Candy. Surprise!
I don’t know if I could feel the disappointment as a child or not, but I certainly did my best to compensate by being 100% tomboy. You couldn’t pay me to wear a dress and I much preferred playing outside with the boys. Sure I played with Barbies but not in the traditional way where the Barbies were housewives or girlfriends to Ken. Nope, my Barbies all had jobs…usually a lawyer or business woman…and didn’t really have time for Ken. Even as a kid, I viewed him more as an accessory than a necessity…and probably carried that opinion of men well into adulthood.
I don’t think I started to realize the power of the feminine…of being vulnerable and nurturing…of the healing that comes with crying…of the art of being open…until a few years ago. It’s just another piece of the puzzle that helps to understand past relationships. I’m starting to think it’s not so much that I have a bad picker, it’s more that I was existing in an energy that was attracting something I didn’t want.
Mastin says, “We are attracted in a partner to what we are not.” Think about that…we are attracted in a partner to what we are not.
So if I’m existing primarily in my masculine energy then I’m bound to attract men that exist primarily in their feminine. And that just means a constant perpetuation of situations where I’m more masculine than feminine…and continue attracting the wrong kind of men.
Mr. Universe was so kind (sarcasm) to point out that it’s only natural I tend to more masculine, I had to be to be successful. While he’s right, this is something that I’ve been working on and I’ve come a loooooong way in a relative short period of time. Retirement has helped. Not having to wake up each day and head into the office not knowing what was waiting for me, has allowed me to soften considerably.
Being vulnerable on a daily basis via this blog is a means for me to tap into my feminine. Admitting that I’m searching — NOT settling — for love…for a partner where “world rocking” is involved…is a big step for me. As a child, I always pictured myself alone…single…with a big, important job….living in a city enjoying my friends. I’m not sure whether to say “careful what you wish for” or assume I had mad manifesting skills as a kid. Regardless, it’s crazy to see that I actually grew into what I dreamt of becoming.
My dreams are different now…and they continue to morph a little each day. Having done the alone thing…and having married the wrong energy (twice)…and having then done the alone thing again…I would like nothing more than to find an equal. Someone that exists primarily in his masculine energy but is able to tap into his feminine energy too. I think I may have finally attracted that by flipping my energies. I guess we’ll have to wait and see how this story unfolds…