When my mom called to tell me they’d found some tumors and it was cancer, she called me fairly late on a Tuesday. I was sitting in my office…alone…finishing up some work. She’d already told my sister and my grandma. She was waiting to call me hoping I’d be home but as was fairly typical then, I was still at work.
She kept her composure while she told me what the doctor had said. I didn’t hear her get emotional until she explained why she waited to call me. She hoped I’d be home even though there wasn’t anyone there to comfort me. I know she didn’t mean it like it sounded…it was the truth…the harsh, honest truth. I was alone.
I was reminded of this the other morning when I found the lump…and thankful to the Universe that I wasn’t alone. It’s so crazy how things work out sometimes. My mom put out the intention that she didn’t want me to be alone anymore…on my own dealing with the heaviness that is life sometimes. And here I am…getting beautiful roses from someone I’ve nicknamed Mr. Universe.
I’m a little embarrassed to admit it didn’t cross my mind that he would send me flowers. I’m not sure why it didn’t. Maybe because I’m not the kind of girl who gets lots of flowers. Or maybe I’ve just not been the kind of girl who dates guys that give flowers. Actually it’s probably a bit of both…until now.
Somehow, I managed to stumble into someone…a grown ass man…that sends flowers. Someone that is kind and caring, strong yet gentle. Someone that’s not afraid to put himself out there. If I didn’t trust my gut, I’d probably think I was being played. I mean, no one is this sweet… But my gut says he’s genuine. And that I can trust him. I can lean on him, if needed.
The first couple weeks of dating, he kept bringing up that I was guarded. He said it was obvious I’d been hurt but he hoped I could get past that. I didn’t think it was that…I thought I was just being cautious with someone I was getting to know.
But when I finally listened to the voice, he was right. I was guarded. I liked being around him. It was comfortable. There was an instant connection. It reminded me of how I’d felt in another relationship. A relationship that was constantly on and off.
Without realizing it, I had put my guard up expecting the same with this new relationship…for it to run hot and cold. But that didn’t happen…hasn’t happened yet…and I can’t live in anticipation of it happening.
What’s the worst that will happen…my heart gets broken? It’s been broken before and it heals. Actually, no…that’s not the worst that could happen. The worst thing would be to keep my guard up and my heart locked away….to never risk getting it broken.
So what do you do when the Universe sends you flowers? You stop…and smell the roses. xoxo