Day 84: The fault in our stars

ImageLast night Mr. Universe and I went to see The Fault in our Stars.  Let me say for the record that the book is one of my all-time favorites.  It’s so well written and pulls you into the story of Hazel Grace and Augustus, making it nearly impossible to put down.  Unfortunately, I didn’t find the movie quite as intoxicating but it did serve the purpose of reminding me of some of my favorite quotes, like…

“You don’t get to choose if you get hurt in this world…but you do have some say in who hurts you.  I like my choices.”

That quote is so true.  I’m just as guilty as the next person — I mean look at everything I wrote about The Taste — and lately I’ve been watching too many people close to me pursue relationships with mates that are so obviously not good choices.  Pursuing relationships with people because they are there…familiar…known quantities…but not necessarily quality people.  There’s nothing redeeming about a person that exists in a relationship out of convenience.  

A relationship should exist because two people make it a priority…together.I speak from experience because my relationship with The Taste was not a mutual priority.  I know that now because I have something to compare it to…a relationship where the priorities are clear…where both individuals involved are equally invested.  The difference is night and day….and I like my choices.

So while none of us have control over whether we get hurt or not, we have complete say in who we enter into a relationship with…who we share our time, dreams, secrets with…who we open our hearts to.  If we chose poorly, why should we expect the outcome to be any different?  I’ve started asking my friends direct questions…Why do you want to be with this person?  What do they contribute to your life?  How are they making you a better person?  It’s amazing how often the responses are based on something that occurred in the past…or on the potential seen.

At this point in my life — after way too many mistakes, I mean lessons — I don’t understand falling in love with someone who doesn’t make you jump up and down with excitement…that doesn’t improve your life…that doesn’t push you to be better and to want more.  Now is the time to be picky, people.  While strong, our hearts are the most fragile possession we own and should be handled with great care.  We shouldn’t hand it over to just anyone…not anymore.

Another quote I absolutely love is….”…I fell in love the way you fall asleep:  slowly, and then all at once.”

Falling in love is as perplexing as falling asleep…we never know when it happens.  One minute, we’re awake and conscious of the fact that we’re awake…then we hit that limbo stage where we start to drift off, but we’re not aware of it unless something jars us awake.  Next thing we (don’t) know, we’re asleep.  And we stay that way until we wake back up.  I feel like falling in love is the exact same.  There’s that moment when you think you might be falling but you aren’t really conscious to it.  I mean, you see the signs…feel the butterflies…get that warm, tingly, giddy feeling…but pinpointing the exact moment you fall in love is nearly impossible…at least it is for me.  Then all of a sudden, you’re there.

These quotes give me hope that love doesn’t have to be this elusive, complicated “thing” that we expand far too much energy pursuing.  If we choose who we spend our time with wisely and allow the relationship to evolve naturally…effortlessly…then all of the sudden, we’ll find ourselves in love…with a quality human.  And whether it lasts forever isn’t the point.  The point is that we choose wisely…go all in…give it our all…and exist in a natural state of bliss…even if just for a moment.

If you haven’t read the book, do.  It’ll make you want to fall in love…with the right person.

This entry was posted in dreams, emotions, future, love, relationships, retirement, self, self exploration and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Day 84: The fault in our stars

  1. IreneC says:

    My granddaughter (11) and I went to see this movie 2 weeks ago. Last week she asked if I’d take her to the bookstore to get the book. I’ve generally found the book to be better than the movie, but I’m not sure if your imagination plays more of a part with a book. I cried through the whole movie. I wonder if I would do the same with the book. It was a good love story.


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