Day 146: In need of solitude

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By nature I’m a very outgoing person.  High energy…talkative…in the mix.  But there always comes a point where I need downtime…quiet time…alone time.  Where I hit the proverbial wall and need to recharge…in my space…away from everyone (at least everyone that doesn’t belong in my space).

I’ve been at that point for a while now and didn’t realize it until I found myself at the pool last week…alone.  It hit me…that was the first time I’d been quiet…that my surroundings had been quiet…in weeks.

When I was working I thought I craved the quiet solitude of my house because I missed it…was homesick from being on the road.  While I’m sure part of that was true, now that I’m home all the time I’m realizing that it’s more about being in my space so I can center…get grounded…feel refreshed.

For the past month, we’ve had painters crawling all over our town homes painting the exterior.  And for whatever reason, they can’t manage to keep a consistent schedule…nor have the same people show up each day…nor finish the job in a timely manner.

My neighbor had been managing them (thank you, Kristine) but she’s on vacation this week…which is well deserved…so I’m serving as their contact.  Yesterday my doorbell rang four times.  It rang every time I started to work on a project.  It’s like they can’t think three steps ahead to communicate everything they need at once.

Today, I’m sitting waiting on the owner to do a walk thru in hopes that they will be finished soon…yet I see stuff that isn’t finished and again no painters to be found…nor have I heard from the owner regarding our meeting.

Maybe part of what annoys me is that people assume when you work out of your house that your schedule…your time…your solitude…doesn’t matter.  That it’s a luxury to be home.  Well it’s not a fucking luxury when people are crawling all over it and constantly interrupting you.  It’s the exact opposite actually.  Because you don’t have any place else to escape to.  

For the first time since I’ve retired, I found myself wishing I had an office to go to so I could escape this mismanaged chaos.  Wishing that I would drop my phone in a glass of water so it’d stop ringing and dinging and interrupting my thinking.

I’m sure to some this sounds petty, but taking into consideration how important it is to have a place to recharge is anything but petty.  It’s something we all need to stay balanced and I think far too many people discount the importance of unplugging…being unavailable…just sitting with yourself.  

I’m in desperate need of solitude.

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