Day 153: Looking for a new vantage point

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Sometimes I just need a break.  And when I don’t listen, the body finally takes over and makes it impossible for me to ignore it.  That happened last night.  After weeks of running from one thing to the next…of over scheduling and over committing…of trying to pack as much into each day as possible, the body said enough.  

At 9:00, I was down for the count and didn’t get up until 8 this morning.  While I feel refreshed and energized today, I know this is just a warning flare.  The next step — if I continue to ignore my body — is for the breakdown to occur.

This used to happen when I worked in Corporate America.  I would go-go-go…traveling, meeting and meeting, deadline after deadline, stress on top of more stress.  This would go on for months on end until I’d finally realize how desperately I was in need of a vacation…and I’d push just a little harder to get everything off my plate.

Then I’d show up to vacation warn down, burnt out, completely spent only to have a complete body breakdown.  The moment I finally started to breath and relax, bam!  I’d get sick.  Not just a cold…death bed sick…on vacation.

You’d think after this happened often enough, I’d learn. I mean, I’m smart…nope.  And now…in retirement..I’m starting to do the same thing….just with different tasks and responsibilities.  

Gone are the external deadlines…the corporate stress…the fear of losing my job if everything doesn’t go just perfectly.   In their place are self imposed expectations and responsibilities.  Situations that are completely within my control…yet somehow just out of my control…because I choose to not take control.  (What did I just say???)

I need to find a way to step back and get a bit of perspective so I can determine what my priorities are and adjust accordingly.  I used to jump on a plane and escape to a beach to do that.  Instead, I need to find a local, cost-effective option.  

Some would say meditation, but I struggle with it and end up more frustrated at my inability…(and yes, that means I need it even more).  But at this point, I’m beyond putting another pressure on myself.  I need something easy…relaxing…a new vantage point…

I’m open to suggestions…as I keep thinking…

 

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This entry was posted in emotions, energies, future, retirement, self, self exploration, yoga and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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