Yesterday was my sister’s wedding…and it was lovely. She was a beautiful bride and her husband was a handsome beau. They made a perfect couple.
Part of being such a gracious couple is doing the right thing, which included inviting our father to the wedding. I use the word father because that’s what he did. He fathered us…but he was by no means a “dad” or a “daddy”. There was nothing kind or gentle or nurturing or caring about him.
I hadn’t seen him or my grandmother in 11 years – by choice. So last night…with both of them sitting across the room from me…well, it was incredibly stressful. It’s something that I want to explain…something I need to explain…but I’m not able to do it today. I need at least another day to collect my thoughts and settle my emotions.
I don’t want to tell the story because it might hurt him. I want to tell the story because it further frees me from the pain. And hopefully, perhaps helps some “father” from further perpetuating a hurtful cycle. Hopefully, my story will serve as a gut check for a family to re-caliberate and do what’s most important….protect and nurture and love the children in their lives.
For now, I’m going to honor myself and take the time I need. I’m going to protect and nurture and love myself…because as an adult, I know that’s what the little girl in me needs.