This may be obvious but I’ve recently begun to understand how our insecurities tend to drive our priorities. As with most things, I realized this after witnessing it in someone else’s behavior. But after sitting with it and stepping back, I’m able to see how my own insecurities drove my priorities for years.
The number one driving force in my life for as far back as I can remember was to be financial stable. To be able to take care of myself and to never have to rely on anyone for assistance. That deep seated desire came from watching my mother stay in a marriage longer than was safe because she needed time to save enough money to rent a place for us to live. I never wanted to be in that type of situation again. One where I knew my safety – either mental, emotional, or physical – was in question simply because I couldn’t afford to get out.
That fear…that insecurity…ultimately resulted in me earning, investing, and saving enough money to retire at 41. Sure that insecurity drove some priorities for me that ended up with a pretty positive result…I was lucky. But that isn’t always the case.
My fear of being unlovable resulted in me chasing relationship after relationship that was ill-fitted and ill-fated. That single insecurity…something that seems so benign…caused me to prioritize external love over learning to love myself. For years, I settled for relationships that weren’t healthy because it was better than feeling the void of being unloved. It was only when I finally managed to realize how awesome I am…when I crossed the line of not needing to date anyone…that my priorities shifted and I found a healthier, supportive love, both internally and externally.
I think if we’re able to step back and ask ourselves what we aren’t happy with…be that a relationship…a job…a life choice…it’s highly likely that we’ll be able to identify an insecurity or two that has driven bad decision after bad decision for years. When we can finally see it…then we’re able to do something about it.
The goal being to round the corner and live such that our securities eventually drive our priorities instead. Good luck!