Day 223: Stalled out

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Just noticed that somehow I managed to misnumber the days of my blog. I went from Day 215 to Day 219…hrm.  Wish I could remember what was going on in my head.  Was the mistake Freudian…something bigger…a reminder I need to wear my glasses when typing???

Regardless, the error has been fixed and I’m now slightly distracted with where to go from here.  It’s not surprising that’s how I feel.  I’ve felt distracted for weeks now.  Overwhelmed.  Underwhelmed.  Distracted.  Bored.

You name it and I’m probably feeling it…all at the same time.  I feel like there’s all this “stuff” happening, yet nothing is really happening.  nesha is a month old and growing very, very, very slowly.  Much of that is on me, though.  I’m not putting the energy into it or manifesting what I want it to be.  Partly because I don’t know exactly what I want it to be yet.  And partly because I’m waiting to assess/clear my plate of the other stuff.

The other venture I’m starting is moving about as fast as a glacier as we wait for the attorneys to do their thing.  I’m still not sure how busy this will keep me so there’s a lot of hurry up and wait energy surrounding it.

Oh, and then we have the wedding.  It’s all planned.  Everything is booked…bought…paid for.  And now we wait for that too.  But like everything else, I don’t want to throw myself into something knowing that I’ll be jetting off to get married and having to put everything else on hold for a bit.

So I’ve pretty much managed to loosely tangle everything together making it difficult to move anything forward.  Maybe that’s why I skipped days when labeling my blog posts.  Maybe I’m subconsciously trying to push stuff forward…trying to push myself forward.

I’ve never been very patient…or good at the waiting game.   When I’m ready, I’m ready.  When it’s time to move, I’m already a few paces ahead.  For the first time I can remember everything feels stalled.  Maybe this is the Universe’s way of telling me it’s time to sit still for a while again.  Time to take it in.  Think.  Feel.  Sit.  Be.

Not everything has to happen right now, all at once.  It’s ok to feel stalled.  It’s ok to rest.

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