This might sound a little weird…no, I know it’s going to sound weird. But that’s ok. Maybe a little more weird is what we all need in our lives these days.
For the past several weeks…probably more like a month or so…I’ve woken up exhausted. Not the kind of exhaustion where you haven’t slept…more like the kind where you’ve been working really hard – either physically or mentally – and both the body and mind feel hazy…heavy…tired…out of focus.
Thing is, I haven’t been doing that much out of the ordinary. At least not enough to warrant feeling this level of exhaustion each morning. But it’s more than just being tired. When I wake in the morning, the night and day prior seem farther away than they should feel.
Upon waking, I find it hard to recall exactly what I did the night before. As I try to roll back the tape, sometimes I can’t even remember what I had for lunch…who I met with…what I did. It’s not that the memories are gone…it just takes me a bit to recall them. Once I do, though, I can fully remember all the details of the day. Kinda like when you remember a specific day from a week ago…might take a minute to recall the events but once you do, they are clear.
So each morning, the day before feels more like it was a week prior. And this is where it gets weird. Each night feels like a couple of days packed into my subconscious while I’m asleep. For example, last night we saw Jason Mraz…who was awesome, by the way…but this morning when I woke up and finally remembered what I did last night, the concert felt more like it had occurred a week ago. Like there were a lot of memories logged between it and this morning. And maybe there were.
Here’s where it gets really weird….
On an almost daily basis, when I wake up I know that someone is sleeping next to me and I know that it’s someone that should be sleeping there. I know it’s someone I want to be there….that it’s someone I love and am sharing a life with…but I can’t for the life of me put a face to a name. Matter of fact, most mornings I actually have to open my eyes to be able to remember what Mr. Universe looks like. Once I see him, then I remember his name and the details of our relationship. But prior to sneaking a peak, I’m blank.
It’s not that I think he’s someone else or I’m confused about who he is or why he’s there. It’s that I can’t access anything about him…face…body…name…anything. The first couple of times it happened it tripped me out. I mean, how can I forget stuff like that?!? Then I immediately wondered if something was medically wrong with me. Once I released all the fear-based concerns, I was left with a more unexplainable explanation.
I feel like I’m traveling in my sleep. I’m not sure to where or how long I’m gone for but it feels almost like I’m living another life while I’m asleep. So much so that when I wake up, it takes me a while to re-orient myself. To remember which life I’m consciously existing in…and for the details of that life to come rushing back to me.
So the question is….where am I going and what am I doing each night???