I’m kinda tired today…for no specific reason, really. Only had a couple of glasses of wine last night…wasn’t up late…didn’t get up early. Maybe it’s the result of a long week. I’m not sure why…and it doesn’t matter ‘why’ anyway.
What matters is how I decide to respond to how I feel. Whether I decide to honor how I’m feeling or push through it like a trooper. Because in the world we live in, that’s what is expected…to man up and push through.
I’ve done plenty of that my whole life. I’ve manned up more than most men…pushed through like it was my job. I guess I did a bit of that today already. I went to the Colts game despite wanting to just stay home on the couch. Actually, I went to the mall with Mr. Universe so he could run a few errands and then we went to the game.
Now we’re home and I’m sitting on the couch writing about how tired I am instead of resting. So I’m still manning up. I’m still pushing through to do the things I’m supposed to do…to meet my commitments…to honor an arbitrary goal.
When do I get to give myself permission to rest…when do I finally feel ok cutting myself some slack? Is this a state I’ll ever be able to achieve…without guilt?
I don’t know. But there’s only one way to move in that direction. To start right now…today. To put down the computer…write a short blog…kick back…and relax.