Day 268: Existing in the eye of the storm

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In the past I would have ignored the signs.  Not to say that something or someone has to be perfect, but I would have ignored that stirring in my gut…that feeling that makes a thought pop into your head.  The one that says, “Hey, maybe this isn’t the right one for me.”  Yah, in the past I would have ignored that or at least waited until it became much louder than a whisper.

And no, I’m not talking about Mr. Universe!  I’m talking about the new job I’d taken to teach in Zionsville.  The space is truly beautiful and I do wish them much success but it’s clear it’s not the place for me to be spending my time or energy.  Without going into detail, let’s just say I got a text at 6:30 am that made me feel like I was back in corporate America…with the expectation that I needed to always be plugged in and available for a scheduling change.

That might make sense if I’m salaried…and it’s clearly a part of the expectation of the job.  And even then, I still think there are lines and boundaries to be respected.  But we’re talking yoga here, folks.  Yoga by its very nature is supposed to be calming…peaceful…relaxing.  This new opportunity was not starting off that way and rather than chalking it up to growing pains, I decided to follow my gut.  Yoga shouldn’t be stressful and I was feeling stressed.

It’s a bummer.  I was really excited about the gig.  But as soon as I decided it wasn’t the right fit, I felt this sense of relief that I wasn’t expecting to feel.  I had said to the Universe that I wanted to relax between now and the end of the year and I wasn’t doing that.  I said I wanted to take time and figure out where I was supposed to be putting my energy.  I said I wanted to devote more time to nesha and the success of IWC.  And I wasn’t doing any of those things.  Until today…

Not going to lie, after saying that this new gig wasn’t going to work, I immediately found myself trolling sites looking for something else.  I actually had to say “Stop!” out loud.  Close the browser window and walk away.  I’m not sure why this pattern is repeating but I’m hopeful that I’ve broken it.

I had to remind myself of my priorities for the short-term…nothing new until after the buildout.  There’s no reason for it.  That probably gets me through Spring…maybe early Summer and then SUP will start again and I’ll be glad to have an open schedule to teach that.

I’m learning that I need to figure out how to balance how quickly everything is moving…with actually slowing down.  Almost like standing in the eye of a tornado….with all the chaos happening around me while it’s calm and peaceful in the center.  That is the goal.

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This entry was posted in emotions, energies, future, relationships, retirement, self, self exploration, yoga and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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