The series of events…weird thoughts…anxiety that occurred over the course of the six hours I was there led me to what I can only describe as a near breakdown. Not only did that experience result in me bailing on the trip and rebooking a ticket home, but it put in motion some very specific actions that literally changed the course of my life.
As I was sitting there…on the verge of tears…wanting to be nowhere but home, it hit me that for the first time in possibly my entire life, I wanted to be home. I didn’t want to spend my life in an airport…in any airport. I didn’t want to spend my life sleeping in hotel rooms more days than I slept in my own bed. I didn’t want to live out of a suitcase. Finally coming to terms with all those things I didn’t want anymore was huge and it pushed me closer to an edge of anxiety than I’d been in a very long time. Close to the edge because realizing what you don’t want means it’s time to decide what you do.
I knew…at that moment in the Philadelphia airport…that I had to make a change. I didn’t know what change needed to be made but something had to give. Something besides me. Before I knew it I was googling life coaches. That’s how I found Deborah.
Initially we talked about me leaving my job but that didn’t feel right…at least not yet. We talked about what I wanted out of my job…any job. We talked about all the good and bad. Then we got to what I wanted out of life. What did I want???
Today I stumbled upon a list I’d made on my phone in November 12, 2012 (not even six months prior to the Philly incident) aptly titled “Things to live”. I’m sure I put this together sitting in some airport someplace…trying to kill time on my way to or from someplace. Seeing this note…now…and realizing I’d written it prior to the Philly breakdown…prior to the life coach…prior to even thinking that I might be able to retire was pretty powerful. At that point in time the thought to leave my job hadn’t entered my mind…what had (obviously) was the realization that things needed to change.
I made the decision to retire just 7 months later in June 2013. Knowing what I know now, I fully believe that the list started a series of events that eventually led me down a path where it was completely obvious that I had to leave me job. Where I finally fully understood that to have a life even remotely like the list I’d put together, I had to do something drastic.
Here are the things I decided I needed to live a life worth living:
- Start a blog (no shit, this was the first thing on the list)…done!
- Take a vacation every quarter…close!
- Learn Spanish
- Join a charitable board
- Commit to teach a yoga class each weekend by the middle of 2014…done!
- Fall in love with someone age appropriate and available…done!
- Go to the Kentucky Derby
- Visit the Grand Canyon
- Travel oversees to Europe
- Visit Cuba
- Visit Tibet
- Study Buddhism…something I do on and off as the mood strikes me.
- Do yoga at least 3 times per week…done!
- Learn to meditate…done (and a work in progress)!
- Feel more, think less…done!
- Develop a hobby into a side business…done!
- Respect myself and my needs…done!
- Travel to every state
- Get a dog…done!
- Tell at least one person I love them each day…working on it!
- Go to the zoo or museum once a quarter
- Watch a movie twice a month…yep, thanks Mr. Universe!
- (and possibly my favorite) I want to be a remarkable woman to a remarkable man
I had completely forgotten that I even wrote this list, but stumbling on it and remembering thinking that things needed to change….that maybe making a list was the best way to start putting things into motion…well, I should say so!
Since retiring, I’ve learned through so many first hand experiences that things can happen…life can change in a big way…with the smallest of acts. Simply by making a list…saying something out loud…setting an intention…we can put into motion a request to the Universe. A request that it wants nothing more than to fulfill.
I’m so glad I wrote this list…forgot about it…and found it again. It’s nice to have proof of how easy it is to make the life you want to live happen. We do it everyday. Typically, though, we do it by repeating old patterns…keeping ourselves in ruts…sabotaging ourselves by wishing for change but also thinking that it’ll never happen.
I’m proof that if you want it…really want it…and believe that you deserve it, all you have to do is tell the Universe. You might want to take a note, though, so you can see what miracles look like.