Day 322: Definition of insanity

InsanityOk, so last night’s class went off without a hitch.  It felt like teaching on Saturday did.  I felt comfortable…confident…in my zone.

To top it off, today I got a lovely review of my Saturday class from Megan H.  She thought class was “great”.  She learns “something new or how to better tweak poses every week” and she said “the music is fantastic”.  Thanks Megan H!!

So what the heck happens to me during that Rocky Ripple class??  Mr. Universe said it’s because the shamans are there and I want to impress them.  But they’ve given me great feedback from day 1.  It doesn’t feel like that’s it.

I wonder if I’m still comparing myself to the teacher that normally teaches the class?  I have so much respect for him and consider him one of the teachers that has made a huge impact on me as a student.  Maybe I feel like I’m walking on sacred ground when I sub for him.

Although I’ve subbed for him at Invoke…and will be doing so again tonight…and I haven’t felt out of my element there.

Seriously, this is bugging the shit out of me.  What is it about that class that makes me feel so unsettled while teaching it?  And even now, knowing how it put me on my heels and made me doubt myself, I want to go back and teach there again.  But somehow…down deep…I know the result will be the same.

This almost feels like the definition of insanity…doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome.

Maybe this is the Universe’s way of telling me to focus my energies a bit more.  I’ve been thinking that I need to pull back on the amount of subbing I’m doing.  Not because I don’t want to help out, but because I don’t feel focused enough on the things that I need to focus on…nesha…Amana…my classes…the eating program…home life.

I like the Rocky Ripple class because the time is good and it pays well.  Ok…pays well…I have been worried about money lately.  Seems like there’s more money going out than coming in between the two start ups and the wedding.

Is the Universe telling me…maybe a little too subtly…that I don’t need to worry about money? That I need to focus on doing things that make me feel good…and the money will follow?  That being a yoga teacher doesn’t mean I’ll enjoy teaching everywhere…and I need to learn more discernment and better time management?

If that’s the case…if that’s what the Universe is trying to communicate…I’ll know tonight.  If the class goes well and I feel good, that might affirm my hypothesis.  If I find myself once again unsettled, I’ll continue my search for answers.

Wish me luck!

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