I thought for a while it was my intention…you know that whole, this-class-makes-me-more-money-so-I-should-do-it-and-that-means-the-Universe-is-punishing-me-for-being-greedy.
But that’s rubbish. If you are doing what you love…what you are passionate about…being of service, the Universe wants you to be rewarded. To feel nourished. And money is a form of payment and nourishment in exchange for sharing your talents.
Ok, so put the money thing on the back burner. What else could it be? When I think about that night…the class…I see the faces of the students up close and personal. They feel like they are inches from my face.
If I do the same reflection on the other classes, I don’t get the same “in your face” visual. The memory feels spacious…comfortable…roomy.
If I go back a little farther and think about the small heated room at Invoke that I teach in every once in a while, I get a similar response. The memory feels a bit crowded.
This feels like I’m on the right track. It’s not so much the energy as it is the size of the space for the energy to exist. The room in Rocky Ripple is small…and that’s part of why I love it so much. Just like the heated room at Invoke is smaller and I much prefer to practice in it as opposed to the big room.
But when I’m teaching….when I’m teaching, I need space! I need space to separate myself from the energy of the students. Space for my thoughts to exist. Space to observe the class from enough distance to see what’s happening individually and as a whole.
The smaller room is too much condensed energy coming at me…and I have no where to go to escape it or even buffer it a bit before it pummels me in the face.
When I’m practicing, I’m so focused on staying on my mat that it doesn’t matter if someone is 2 inches or 2 feet from me. I’m in my zone…doing my thing. But as a teacher, I’m trying to tune into the energy of the room and I need a little bit of space to maneuver around it.
Oh thank gawd! That feels right!
Now, I don’t know what this means for teaching in Rocky Ripple but knowing is half the battle. Maybe being aware that this is the issue will allow me to move past it.
Or maybe it’s time to go back to the shamans to figure out what is triggering this need for space. Hrmmmmm….