Lately I’ve been feeling a bit overwhelmed with all the “business-y” stuff I have going on. I’m noticing the subtle difference between being busy at work and being self-employed busy. To someone standing outside looking in, there probably doesn’t seem to be much of a difference, but to me…someone standing in the middle of it…it feels very different.
When I used to go to work, I actually went to work. Even though I had the option to work from home, I liked the act of leaving the house. Of physically moving into a different space…of having that physical separation between work and home, regardless of what was happening in my head. I didn’t like everything co-mingling together.
When I first retired, none of this was an issue because I wasn’t working. I was writing…doing yoga…running…spending my days doing personal stuff. There was no work/life balance because everything was just “life”. But now….now things have changed.
Now I’m teaching. I’m enrolled in an 8-month long eating psych program. I’m getting ready to kick off a build out for the northside studio expansion. I’m re-envisioning and considering a build out for nesha, too. I’m taking weekly classes to become a better yoga teacher. I’m reading books to be a better coach. And I’m trying to balance all of it with being a wife and still feeling retired.
As much as I’m striving to find my new work/life balance, I’m finding it difficult because I’m never actually “going” to work. Even when I drive to the studio for build out meetings, I’m driving to the place I teach yoga…the place I take yoga. The demarcations are hard to see and even harder to feel.
When someone asks for a meeting with me, we’re usually meeting at my favorite coffeehouse…or in my house…so it feels cozy, not like work. Maybe that’s what it’s supposed to feel like. One connection ebbing and flowing into another. Surrounding myself with people that I want to work with and learn from and be friends with.
Maybe this is how the dance of life is supposed to feel….no real beginning or end…just a constant tango. No clear lines of distinction because it’s all inter-related.
What I do know is that slowing down is going to become super important for me. Making time to take time. Time to reconnect with myself and with nature. Time to sit and be still. Learning to turn off the external distractions and tune into the inner workings will become crucial to feel balanced. A balance that isn’t about work vs life anymore. A balance that is about giving and receiving. About tending to and nurturing others as much as I’m tending to and being nurtured myself. Balancing teaching and learning…working and playing…talking and listening…thinking and feeling…masculine and feminine.
As I do a better job balancing my intentions and attentions with my actions, I think I’ll start to settle into a rhythm that better supports me…which in turn will allow me to better support those around me. Again…everything…always a balancing act.