I type this from a windowless room about the size of a small home office where I sit with my attorney. Both of us hunkered down behind our computers doing what we can to pass the time as we wait…
The mediator started the morning with us. Briefing me on the process…her role…what to expect from mediation…and my possible best and worst day in court.
Bottomline, the value of a prenup is priceless. Repeat after me…the value of a prenup IS priceless. And yes, I should have known that.
I mean, on some level, I did know it. I just chose to ignore practicality and logic and reason because we were in luuuurv…or so I thought. Sometimes it’s tough to tell the difference between someone being in love with you versus being in love with the lifestyle you afford them.
If you’ve read my blog, you know this isn’t my first “rodeo” (aka marriage). However, this one has definitely given me the most fits and bumps and bruises. But it’s also taught me the most about myself.
The most important lesson being that I’m worth “it”.
I’m worth a prenup, if someone is truly in love with me.
I’m worth a relationship where we’re both fully present.
I’m worth a grown ass man (read, not a man-child) that is able to care for himself, has healthy coping skills and makes his own money.
So as I sit here contemplating my possible worst day in court because Mr. Universe turned down a very generous settlement offer, I allow myself to feel past the anger and betrayal to the fight. It’s buried down deep in the pit of my stomach and as it rises up to meet my heart, I feel a wave of calm…clarity…groundedness sweep over me.
I feel myself become enveloped in a warm hug of the most important lesson I needed to learn…that I’m worth fighting for.
So that’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to fight for myself along side every other woman who’s found her voice and the strength to say “Enough!”…but especially for those that haven’t found their voice yet. Because every time one of us stands up, it becomes that much easier for the next. #shiftthisshit #efuckingnough
Today, I’m ripping the tape off my mouth and the shackles off my wrists. His spell over me in hopes of coming to a settlement is broken. I am no longer living in fear! No longer waiting for a man to save me. From this point forward, I’m gonna save my own damn self!
As Ke$ha says…
I’m a motherfucking woman, baby, alright
I don’t need a man to be holding me too tight
I’m a motherfucking woman, baby, that’s right
(click the pic for the vid…you’re welcome!) 🙂