Relationships are complicated. As a Six of Diamonds (learn more about cardology and find your card at itiskismet.com), my school room is relationships. That’s where I learn…grow…evolve.
Like every relationship I’ve ever been in, I learned a ton about myself. While there are some days I wanted to tell Mr. Universe to go big bang himself…and every now and then I play Monday morning quarterback as I reflect on how fast & furiously things progressed, I don’t regret marrying Mr. Universe. I really don’t.
I mean, how can I? I called him in (see Day 52: Can I get a witness). I 100% manifested this relationship. Should I have been a bit more specific with my request? Absolutely. But did I learn how powerful I am? Without a doubt!
I also cleared some past life karma. According to cardology, I owed Mr. Universe in this lifetime. I’m pretty sure we can mark that box with a giant check (yes, pun intended).
I learned to love myself by realizing what I’m worthy of…and that I deserve to be loved in a way that fulfills me. I’ve been trying to learn this lesson for a long time but haven’t learned it in this way before this relationship. Prior to Mr. Universe, I always saw a relationship as a series of compromises. And maybe for some, that’s good enough. But not for me. Not anymore.
A compromise shouldn’t feel like I’m shutting down a part of myself or cutting myself off from something. It shouldn’t make either party feel bad.
I learned that I don’t want a relationship where anyone is dimming a part of themselves or forfeiting on any part of a dream, myself included. I want it all and it can happen…especially if I believe it because I can manifest like a mofo!
I felt the pure intention of wanting to help someone…and the pure heart break of realizing that I couldn’t. This was a big one. Addiction is no joke, folks. You can’t reason with it and it has it’s own agenda. It didn’t matter how much I wanted to support Mr. Universe in getting the help he needed, it was out of my control.
I learned when you marry an addict, you marry the person AND the addiction. You can’t hope someone clean. You can simply love them and help them so long as you aren’t hurting yourself in the process. As the airlines so plainly and succinctly explain, “If you are traveling with a child or someone who requires assistance, secure your mask on first, and then assist the other person.” #sageadvice
I allowed myself to jump…to be swept up in the flow of life and love…without knowing what it had in store for me but trusting that it would be worth it. I also learned that if the current starts to pull you under, you have two choices: (1) drown or (2) let go & get out.
Despite everything, I am grateful for the Universe and all the lessons it provided. I am also grateful for Mr. Universe…the real Mr. Universe…the man, not the addict…for allowing me to feel loved…to feel safe…to feel protected. You gave me the freedom to be swept away and to gain a clearer view of what I want…and deserve. Ultimately, it was worth every penny I paid in the divorce to free myself so I can go get it. I wish nothing but the same for you. xoxo!